Anger is a natural response to feeling attacked, injured or violated. It is part of being human; it is energy seeking expression. Anger can lead to destructive and violent behavior. It’s important to acknowledge angry feelings left over from our past, especially our childhood. We cannot change what happened to us, but our attitude to it can change.
Self-Awareness and Self-Control are tools that we can use to tame our anger. Because anger can be so powerful, managing it is sometimes challenging. Self-awareness is the ability to notice what we are feeling and thinking and why. Self-control is the ability to think before we act. It puts precious seconds or minutes between feeling a strong emotion and taking an action we will regret. When we express our anger assertively, we preserve our sense of self-worth, our needs, and our convictions while at the same time considering the needs and feelings of others. When we express our anger assertively rather than aggressively, we actually enable our relationships to grow. Assertive anger is a mark of personal maturity and stability. However, these skills take time to develop.
Bottled up anger taught me a very valuable lesson several years ago. I was so angry and under so much stress that I actually came down with a horrible case of the Shingles. This was a week before Christmas, of all things. If you have ever had the Shingles then you know Shingles are one of the most excruciating painful conditions that you can suffer. Shingles don’t go away over night. I had so much resentment & rage inside that it almost killed me. My Christmas that year was miserable because I had to stay in bed and couldn’t enjoy the festivities with family and friends. For the very first time in my life I was unable to eat Christmas dinner. I simply could not function. This was probably the most miserable time in my entire life.
I suffered pain from the Shingles for three long months. I made myself a promise during those three months of misery. I would never again allow anger to take control of me to that extent. Being able to forgive took a long time but once I was truly able to “let go and forgive” joy and peace took the place of anger. I have often wondered why anger can take over us in a split second but sometimes it takes us a long time to be able to forgive.
I had no one but myself to blame for allowing anger to eat me alive literally. It is not a sin to get angry but it is a sin when we allow it to control us. Out of control anger, bitterness, resentments and holding a grudge wreaks havoc on the human body and we can become emotionally and physically sick. These emotions are so strong that they can cause us sleepless nights, high blood pressure and digestion problems. They can also weaken our immune system and makes us more sensitive to pain plus a number of other health issues.
I may get the Shingles again one day but it won’t be because I let resentment and anger control me. I learned a lesson I will never forget.
