DEALING WITH CONFLICT

Conflict is a controversy, disagreement or opposition between people. “If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.” (Mark 3:24-25) NIV With these words, Jesus described the dangers of conflict. If conflict is left unchecked and unresolved, it can tear apart an organization, a family, friends, a team, and a church. The Bible is full of incidents of conflict. It can be found from Genesis to Revelation. The scope of conflict covers a time from “before” the foundation of the world until the “end” of this age. If we will study the various examples of conflict in Scripture, we can understand much about human nature, about how God’s laws and principles work and about the consequences of behavior, which contradicts God’s plan. Conflict is always constantly being waged between Satan and God’s people. Read: (Ephesians 6:13) KJV

Lies and deception are the basis of many conflicts in the Bible. Conflict was first introduced to us in the Bible in the third chapter of Genesis. The serpent was a creature used by Satan to tempt Eve. Satan’s goal was “dominion” over everything, including God. God’s goal was to create a race of people with whom He could have fellowship. Satan used lies to convince Eve to eat the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge. The result was sinful behavior by Adam and Eve. The” blame game” started that day. Notice the hypocrisy of Adam and Eve when they shifted the blame for their own sin. Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent. (Genesis 3:12-13) KJV This conflict introduced by Satan drove a wedge in the relationship between humans and God.

The reason conflict resolutions are so difficult is that we are hesitant to place ourselves in uncomfortable situations. First, we must be “willing” to resolve the conflict. We cannot know peace with God unless we are at peace with one another, and we cannot know peace with others unless we are at peace with God. Sometimes we are unwilling to humble ourselves and admit that we may be wrong or do what it takes to resolve conflicts. The longer we wait to resolve conflict, the harder our hearts can get. We should never let days, weeks, months, or even years pass by without resolving conflict. If we do, we will always be the loser.

Honesty is the best way to resolve any conflict.  We must stop the “blame game” and humbly acknowledge our own faults by being honest. It is hypocritical to blame someone else for the whole problem when we can’t see our own faults. We need to take action quickly. As time passes, the facts get distorted. It isn’t long before we can’t remember what we did or said. If we believe that someone has done anything to hurt us or harm us we are to go to that person in “private” and talk to him or her about it. We should never allow resentments to ripen into a secret malice or wound, which is the most dangerous inwardly. Jesus never said we are to gossip about our conflicts with others. He did say, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his faults, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” (Matthew 18:15) NIV The best time to resolve a conflict is today!

WEEDING OUT THE POISONOUS ROOT OF BITTERNESS

Bitterness is known in the Bible as spiritual poison. It can be an unseen enemy, growing like a tumor in our mind and spirit. It can affect our mental and physical condition. It is easy to blame God and others and allow bitterness to take root in our hearts when things go wrong in our lives. We are given a warning in (Hebrews 12:15) NIV. ”See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no “bitter root” grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

Bitterness works underneath the surface in people. It starts out as a small seed of hurt. This seed can grow fast and fester into a very dangerous thing. We can learn a valuable lesson from the weeds in our yard and garden. If the weeds are left alone when they first appear they will eventually grow out of control and take over the yard and garden. They will choke out the good plants. If bitterness is left alone, it will take control and wreak havoc in our lives. Like the weeds, bitterness has to be dealt with as soon as its roots appear in our hearts.

Bitterness is really when we harbor anger and un-forgiveness towards others. Even Christians can get hurt. Holding on to hurt is like grabbing a rattlesnake by the tail. We will get bitten. The poison from the rattlesnake can cause physical death. As the poison of bitterness spreads through our personality, spiritual death will occur. The way we deal with our hurt makes all the difference in the world. If that hurt is not handled in the right way, bitterness will take root in our spirit. In the end it will be “bitterness” and not “being hurt” that will destroy us. There is no joy, no creativity and no positive power flowing through our lives if we become full of bitterness. Bitterness can cause physical problems. In his book, “None of These Diseases,” S.I. McMillan says, “Anger, left alone, will show itself in at least 50 diseases.” Dr. Norman Wright, a professor of psychology at Biola University in California and a Christian writer agrees with McMillan.

We can become bitter against ourselves. This happens when we live in self-pity. We feel rejected, we wallow in self-pity and our self--image is poor. It may be because of some sin or failure in the past. We realize that if we had to do it over again, we wouldn’t do it for a million dollars. But we can’t “un-ring the bell.” So we go along in life nursing a grudge against ourselves. We soon learn that bitterness becomes a heavy burden and we have a hard time forgiving ourselves. We must accept the fact that we are not perfect and must learn to forgive ourselves. We need to “reject self-pity” and instead be quick to give thanks for “all the blessings” in our lives.

Forgiveness is liberating. Things will occur when the forgiveness process is complete. Harsh feelings may be replaced by feelings of love, concern or empathy towards those who have hurt us. Our negative feelings will disappear. We will find it much easier to accept the people who have hurt us without feeling the need to try and change them. Our concern about the needs of other individuals will outweigh our concerns about what they did to us. Un-forgiveness is devastating to our spiritual, emotional and physical health. However, emotional and physical life. Forgiveness is for our benefit, “forgiveness” brings health to our spiritual and this is good news!

READY OR NOT SOMEDAY IT WILL ALL COME TO AN END

 There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things we collected, whether treasured or forgotten will pass to someone else.

Our wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what we owned or what we owed.

Our grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear. Our hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won’t matter where we came from or what side of the track we lived at the end.  It won’t matter whether we were beautiful or brilliant. Even our gender and skin color will be irrelevant. So what will matter? How will the values of our days be measured?

WHAT WILL MATTER

·        What will matter is not what we bought but what we built, not what we got but what we gave.   

·        What will matter is not what we learned but what we taught.

·        What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate our example.

·        What will matter is not our competence but our character.

·        What will matter is not how many people we knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when we are gone.

·        What will matter is not our memories but the memories that live in those who loved us.

·        What will matter is how long we will be remembered, by whom and for what.

·        Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident. It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

CHOOSE TO LIVE A LIFE THAT MATTERS

Source: Michael Josephson